2/11/2009
Dear All:

Many of you have seen my postings on the various Jewish Community listservs over the last few years.  I have often asked for help for individuals in our community, and as a community you have always responded generously.   

One thing that I have never done before is to ask you to help The Jewish Federation.  We all know people who have been affected by the economic downturn.  What you may not know, however, is the extent to which the members of our local Jewish community have been hurt. 

From September 1, 2007 through January 31, 2008, The Federation’s Jewish Information and Referral Service (JIRS) took 128 calls from people asking for financial and other assistance.  Thirty-four of these callers were looking for scholarships.  Forty-eight callers were looking for jobs, of these 48 only 10 were Jewish.  Only 16 people, Jewish and non-Jewish, were looking for any kind of financial or housing assistance. 

During the same period of September through January 2008-2009, JIRS took 143 calls from people asking for help.  Only 11 were looking for any kind of scholarship, and of the 25 people looking for work, all were Jewish.  Most distressing, however, is that FIFTY-EIGHT (58) people called needing emergency financial or housing assistance.  This is more than three times the number of people who called during the same time last year.  And, unlike last year, fully 90% of these calls came from our own Jewish community. 

The Federation has responded to this trend by setting up an Emergency Assistance Fund to help the Jewish community here and abroad.  Locally, the funds are administered by the Jewish Social Service Agency (JSSA), with referrals coming through JIRS.  If you or someone you know needs assistance, please call The Federation’s Warmline at 1-866-950-4AID (4243), or call JIRS at 301-770-4848. 

There are two ways that you can help.  The first is by donating your time at Super Sunday on February 22.  Once again we will be at three locations, the JCC of Greater Washington in Rockville, the Washington DCJCC, and the JCC of Northern Virginia.  Shift times in Maryland and Virginia are 9:30-11:30 a.m.; 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.; and from 1:30 – 3:30 p.m.  Babysitting will be available at both locations from 9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. 

In DC the shifts run from 1:00 – 3:00 p.m. and from 3:00 – 5:30 p.m. with babysitting available during the 1:00 – 3:00 p.m. time slot.  Babysitting at all locations is free.  If you are unavailable on Super Sunday and would still like to volunteer, there will be other opportunities.  

To volunteer you may either respond to this email with your name, phone number and the location and time you would like to attend, or you may sign up online at https://secure.ujcfederations.org/ft2/form.html?__id=12391. 

The second way is by making a donation to The Federation.  If you are in a position to do so, please give.  Any and all amounts are appreciated.  One way to give is to take the call on Super Sunday.  Or, you can donate online at http://my.dcfederation.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1014281&pg=fund&fr_id=1220.  

If you have any questions, please call me at 301-348-7313. Thank you all for your help over the years, (and thank you for reading to the end of this letter).   

Francie Kranzberg
Special Projects Coordinator
Jewish Information & Referral Service

2/2/2009
To the Editor,

As I have long ceased to be an observant Muslim, I am hereby severing all ties with my religion since birth, that is, Islam. My decision to opt out of Islam is personal, irreversible, and will allow me to prepare for formal conversion to Judaism.
TAJDAR GUFRAN
India
mail : jewishheritage.in@gmail.com

I want this announcement to be posted
*because I want the world to know that Jews have the sole and exclusive right over the Promised Land, that is the land of Israel.
*because I want to tell the Jews of the world that after Israel, India is their second home.
*because I want to tell the Jews of the world that if they feel unsafe, insecure, or threatened in any part of the world, they should feel free to come to India.
*because I want to tell the Indian Government that if any such Jew should come to India, he/she must be granted:
(I) Visa on arrival (II) Nationality on demand
*because if any Jew should stay on in India, he must be guaranteed:
Right to Liberty
Right to Freedom of Religion
Right against exploitation.
And above all I want this announcement to be posted
because I want to tell the world "NEVER OPPOSE A JEW"

TAJDAR GUFRAN
India

How many zeros in a billion?
by Lada Simek
Croton-On-Hudson, NY

This is too true to be funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain...

let's take a look at New Orleans ...

It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number...

what does it mean?

A. Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.

B. Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or... if you are a family of four...your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D. C.

< HELLO! >

Are all your calculators broken ??

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax

Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Char ges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt...

We had the largest middle class in the world...

and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

Can you spell 'politicians!'

And I still have to press '1' for English.

I hope this goes around the USA at least 100 times

What the heck happened?????

Q: Where do Middle Eastern Arabs find the most peace, prosperity and democracy? A: Israel.

This answer is not to imply that Israeli Arabs do not have serious civil rights and other problems, but the Arabs that chose Israeli citizenship over the alternatives are usually far better off than their counterparts elsewhere and the Israeli Knesset has a fair representation of Arabs. Efforts at dialogue and improvements are conducted by both Arab and Jewish Israelis.

Israel is in a bad neighborhood. The biggest Arab problem is the age-old need to save face, especially when confronted with skyrocketing Israeli ascension in any sector worth measuring. Despite Dead Sea chemical distillates being her sole natural resource, Israel has become a Hercules in every high tech venue from medicine to aerospace. The ever-pragmatic European Union (no bastion of Zionism) recently signed accords to massively increase trade with Israel.

Most oil-rich Arab states can be compared to gold-rich Spain in the 16th through the 18th Centuries: Why bother with mundane things like "work?" Pay someone else to do it and buy the best of whatever you need in any quantity.

The West is complicit in this largesse, because the situation ever since FDR's romance with the Saud family is that the realpolitik of supplying oil trumps any consideration for fair governance.

In many Western societies, including the U.S., Arab immigrants are at the top of the socio-economic ladder not because of petrodollars, but because of a superior work ethic and business sense. A new Golden Age of Arab culture may be sparked by the end of the Oil Age.

Faced with a bastion of technological superiority (and 'that' religion which is the basis of the leftist nightmare: Western Civilization) in their midst, the Arabs have indulged in victimhood that gets sympathy from leftys worldwide. UN resolutions against Israel fall like autumn leaves.

An anecdote sums up the real, versus the illusory. The UN met to determine the environmental impacts if neighboring states, including Israel, were to use a particular insecticide.

When the proceedings convened, the Arab delegates rose and indignantly stated that they were not working with the Zionist Entity and walked off. During a break, my friend noticed the Arab delegates huddling with their Israeli counterpart in the back of the room in animated conversation.

When my puzzled friend asked the Israeli delegate what was afoot, he casually replied that he was briefing his colleagues on the various merits and hazards of the pesticide.

Were Israel a basket case exporting a few dates and figs, her neighbors would probably protect her as a theme park of the 'Failed Zionist Experiment.' By some magical process, Jordanian and Egyptian land suddenly became 'Palestine' after being conquered by Israel in the '67 War, and they don't want "Palestine" back.

Israel has (to paraphrase Khrushchev) better Jewish nuclear physicists than anybody else's Jewish nuclear physicists. A non-Arab nation headed by the biggest nutjob since Schicklgruber may soon attain nuclear weapons. Even the somnolent EU has is waking up to the Iranian threat. Europe now has more conservative leaders than anytime since the Bronze Age.

Turkey, Israel, Syria, the U.S., UN and North Korea have become embroiled in the 'Mystery of the Vanishing Syrian Reactor' and few Middle Eastern states seem to be overly concerned when they find Israeli Air Force drop tanks in the back yard after an IAF 'training exercise' 'goes awry.' Most Arab states are more comfortable with a nuclear Israel than a nuclear Iran or Syria.

A 3,200-year-old Egyptian victory stela carving says: "Israel is laid waste, his seed is no more." Reports of its demise are greatly exaggerated. Happy Birthday, Israel. Carry on.